Many Ways to Lead: Restoration, Regeneration, and Emergence

Part One in a Four-Part Series

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Dear friends and leaders,

If you were to do a quick Google search on the word “leadership” we would see images of people in suits, crossing their arms in front of them while smiling, lots of arrows pointing in all directions, a group of people following one person toward an unnamed destination, people pointing upwards or maybe forward, and lots of descriptive words. Words like “goal,” “authority,” “success,” or “innovation”. Some of these words and images are what easily comes to mind when we think of leadership, especially in the corporate or non-profit sense of the word. But as an indigenous woman who has navigated the non-profit world over the last couple years, I have often felt like my work, my life experience, and my perspective didn’t fit with these traditional (as bell hooks writes, the white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy) definitions of leadership.[1] This is why I am passionate about creating new frameworks, new language, and a new experience of what leadership means.

Leadership is more than one person’s ability to steer course for a group of people. It is also the capacity to guide, inspire, and influence individuals or groups to achieve a shared goal. In my experience working with many women of color and those who identify with historically marginalized groups, I have been told that these traditional definitions often create feelings of disconnect, imposter syndrome, and invisibility. People who identify with historically marginalized groups adapt ways of being that allow them to fit into the mainstream, patriarchal definitions of leadership that shape the culture of their organizations, but at a personal and professional cost.

I have seen in my courses that many women of color, queer women, and non-binary folks have had to contort themselves to be “good leaders” in their organizations. To survive, they often hide aspects of themselves, stay quiet when they are confronted with racism, or sexism, or homophobia for fear of reprisal, or keep good, innovative, creative and strategic ideas to themselves so as not to upset the status quo. In organizations, these “rules” are typically unspoken. They are reinforced by a silent code of acceptance which include willful ignorance when new ideas are presented, criticism of critical thinking, a culture of learning without implementation, and a lack of depth around feedback. These unspoken rules become cultural norms in organizations which often tout diversity and equity initiatives due to hiring more people of color, and then fall short of strategy and implementation to make the culture a place where people of color and others from historically marginalized communities can grow, thrive, and have a real voice. In some cases, those from historically marginalized groups are not able to stay long-term in these organizations, and there becomes a higher turnover for positions that employ folks doing diversity and equity work.

There is a missing piece between diversity and inclusion, traditional definitions of leadership and real, sustainable, cultural change in organizations. This is where new leadership frameworks, language and vision can help bridge the chasm between diversity, leadership and change on the systems level.

Today, in this first part of a four-part series on Many Ways to Lead I want to offer up language that we can incorporate in how we think about and describe leadership.

Language is such an important and foundational aspect of our living experience. Words hold power, consciousness, layers of meaning, cultural knowledge, history, and legacies of oppression and liberation within them. When we play with new language and phrases to describe ways of being that have become routine or familiar, we initiate a creative process where new definitions of leadership can emerge and possibly even take root.

Here in Part One, I want to explore the word restorative or restoration in relationship to leadership. We might be familiar with the definition of restorative as “having the ability to restore health, strength, or a feeling of well-being.”[2] Restoration is related to words like curative, medicine, rejuvenating, and health-giving. What about when we connect the idea of restoration to the idea of justice? Many might find the phrase “restorative justice” familiar in spaces that work to dismantle systems of oppression especially in the criminal justice movement. But restorative justice can also offer us a template for ways to implement actions that move us toward equity, and true inclusion.

In The Little Book of Restorative Teaching Tools, authors Lindsey Pointer, Kathleen McGoey, and Haley Farrar write, “Social institutions often serve to reinforce existing power structures, elevating the voices of those who are already heard and further marginalizing those who are not. […] The restorative justice movement has, in many ways, been able to disrupt this hierarchy by providing a social space, in the form of the circle or conference process, in which the voice, story and perspective of each participant is valued equally. While this impact does not always extend beyond the culmination of the restorative justice process, it can serve as a liberatory experience for those present, in which relationships of power and oppression are recognized and countered.”[3]

The above passage is rooted in some of the foundational principles I teach in my signature curriculum, Regenerative Leadership.

In order to challenge and change systems of hierarchy that are embedded in the way we live and work, we must create alternate ways of gathering, whether that is in a formal meeting, an informal social hour among colleagues, or other gathering spaces. But how do we do this? How do we create a restorative atmosphere so that participants feel their voice, story, and perspective is valued equally?

Here are three ways to start creating spaces that cultivate restoration as a facilitator/leader/teacher:

1.     Stay mindful of your group dynamics around sharing and speaking. In groups and gatherings, we have all been in spaces where there are the one or two people who are comfortable with speaking and sharing and are the first to offer their thoughts or raise their hands. In these same spaces, we also encounter those who are introverted, shy, or otherwise slow to share. As good facilitators, leaders or teachers, one very important and foundational skill is to stay mindful of group dynamics around sharing and speaking. Typically in the first ten or fifteen minutes of a gathering, I can identify those who will be eager to share versus those who are quieter and contemplative. As the facilitator, I have an internal checklist I use to assess the space and establish how I might bring forth all the voices in the room. I take mental note in those first few minutes of those who are more outspoken and those who are quieter. If you are leading a group through a class, or some other regular gathering, it becomes easy to identify the group dynamics over the course of those meetings.

What takes practice and skill here is to simultaneously remind those that speak more to share the space, as advocates and allies for those who speak less. At the same time, it is important to keep reminding those who speak less, that they are always invited to share. You can do this in a few ways.

One way is to make an announcement of this rule at the start of the meeting, class or gathering – reminding everyone that it is a priority to hear all voices present and it is our collective responsibility to create that space. Another way to implement this, is to invite the quiet folks forward using phrasing such as, “for those who haven’t shared yet, we would love to hear what you think…”. A third way to implement this, is to plan space in the meeting so that each participant has an equal amount of time to share. Building in planned time so that each person has the opportunity to speak is sometimes cumbersome for facilitators to plan, and therefore gets deprioritized, but it is the most direct way to make sure all voices have a chance to be expressed in a meeting/gathering/class.

2.      Get (very) comfortable with silence. In my experience, this can be one of the toughest skills to use when creating spaces that cultivate restorative practices and equity. I know firsthand how uncomfortable it can be to face silence in a group. When we are leading or teaching there is nothing worse than offering up a thought or questions and the group looks back at you with blank stares and crickets. It’s like a showdown – who will break the silence first? But allowing silence to be present between shares and thoughts creates a beautifully contemplative and productive space for participants to think deeply about what they might want to say. I have learned over time, that, especially when tackling tough topics or more intimate shares, the silence between shares can become longer. This can trigger a lot of fear as a facilitator that perhaps people are disengaged or checked-out.

But, if as a facilitator, you can put trust into the group that they are truly engaged, and put trust in yourself, that not rushing allows for more integrity, honesty and openness, this is where the real magic can emerge around building safety and trust among a group.

Each pause is a trust fall. The more we all can tolerate the silence, the more we trust one another to return to the group with honest and productive exchange. It is important to remember that the pause is often a sign that the group is willing to go deeper. If we can trust in that space, we cultivate restoration by cultivating spaciousness, time and the honoring of each voice in the room.

3.     Reference people’s contributions throughout the meeting/class/gathering. One way to build community that is grounded in trust is to actively bring people’s shares into the whole of the meeting. As a facilitator or leader, truly listening to what folks are sharing is foundational and integral. Without deep listening, we are simply going through the motions of holding space. Participants can feel whether a space is set for sharing, or if it is set for checking off a box on someone’s to-do list. They will follow the energy of what you create as the facilitator. It is important to have a praxis of grounding before you start a meeting or gathering, so that you are ready to listen deeply. Take notes if that helps. Keep a notebook nearby and jot down words and phrases a participant uses when they share.

As the conversation in the group continues, remind everyone that X person said Y and Z earlier, and fold that share into a new question for the group. This signals to participants that their shares are heard, valuable, and contributing to the arc of the conversation. This also signals to participants that this is a safe space, and we can productively and respectfully reference our colleagues’ shares.

Over time, especially when leading a group that is meeting regularly, trust is built through your ability as a facilitator to actively mirror what an individual is sharing with the group.

There are many more ways that we can cultivate restorative actions that facilitate equity, healing and trust in our gatherings, but the three pointers I offer here are a starting place. They are simple steps but not necessarily easy to implement. Implementing these skills takes practice, patience, a willingness to make mistakes, a willingness to be humble, and a real desire to cultivate trust in our shared spaces.

I hope you find this guide useful. For more resources on leadership, and leadership trainings that are upcoming, visit my website here.

In solidarity and healing,

Liza

[1] See bell hooks, Feminism is for Everybody: Passionate Politics (Cambridge, MA: South End Press, 2000).

[2] Merriam-Webster Dictionary, “Restorative,” https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/restorative (accessed March 27, 2024).

[3] Lindsey Pointer, Kathleen McGoey and Haley Farrar, The Little Book of Restorative Teaching Tools. (New York, NY: Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., 2020), 3.